When you tell (most) people that you have given up alcohol, they say "WHY?" SO it seems that it is acceptable to:
- Get drunk and make a tit of yourself in public
- Get drunk and be abusive of people
- Get drunk and fall over
Mr Black I fully understand your sentiment now. My appologies if I've ever been like that to you.
As for the rest of you: I don't like what I am like when I am drunk. There, you happy?? I have to stop now to prove that I can, to prove that I can still enjoy myself, and like myself. To prove that I can stop.
Everyone I know seems to think that it is some kind of amazing sacrifice I am making, but I would rather sacrifice a slow drug than the things which I risk.
And still, as I headed home tonight after our work party to celebrate the (sort of) sucessful migration of work from one site to another, I felt sad. Normally I would have been talking to myself in my drunk state - and it would have been 2 hours later than I promised L (That's Dom). I would have been commenting to the geese how pretty they are, and I would have probably fallen off my shoes at some point (although I do that when sober too...)
I found that I left thinking about work, and why I work. I spend roughly 7 hours every day doing something which I don't really dislike with some people I get on with and a manager who I've learnt to deal with. What do I do it for, really? Well, I do like my teammates, they're nice and friendly, even if some of them are infuriating.
I remember being truly content with absolutely everything one time. It was during uni. I'd met L, my course was interesting, and challenging, and going well. I felt like me, I was the right size and the right attitude. And the people that knew me knew me because I let them. Everything was rosy. Well, it may not be perfect now, but it is better than it has been for a while. I have one decision to make, although based on the office politics it won't be as simple as it sounds.
And then I arrive on my blog to find ad-posting is rife again. Ra. But sadly, it's a half-hearted Ra. I'm going to bed now.
5 comments:
You only have to explain it about 5000 times in the first few weeks. After that, people get bored of asking.
Perhaps it's time to give up precarious shoes, too...
You always have to re-explain to people when you first meet them.
I think you've always been very accepting of me for who I am Tsuki. I don't specifically remember having a problem - but I am used to having to explain, so I don't let it bother me.
I don't mind having to explain, I expect to need to even. I mind when the explanation isn't good enough, or isn't accepted. I mind when people take it upon themselves to make me see the error of my ways and convert to me drink. Or simply force it down my throat despite the blatant lack of any change in attitude.
So you have my respect for attempting to stop for a bit. I can't count the number of times other people have told me they're going to stop, but never carried it out. Or the people who stop for one evening and then let themselves down by starting again the following day.
It's not an easy thing - peer pressure can be nasty, and I think its almost certainly harder to stop than not to start.
When I do stop its usualy because I have had a bad run of drinking too much - too many parties usually. Usually give up for 3 to 4 weeks and I find its the first 10 days the hardest, two consecutive weekends. After that its not too bad. But I do end up drinking more tea. It would be easier if bars had better selections of soft drinks.
Two weeks ago I did three consecutive days. Last week I did four. And this week there's a very high chance of doing five. Not for any good reason though. I'm just not going out much.
Yes, better in-bar selection of slightly less sugary drinks would be good. As it is, coming down off a sugar-high is worse than being hung over!!
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